Chess

The Art of Stopping the Fight: Inspired by Modern Fighters

Intro: 

In the light of latest developments in the chess world, I've penned a Satire by taking the issue to a ridiculous extreme to highlight its absurdity by employing ludicrous comparisons and analogies, with exaggeration to draw attention to the central issue. Apart from entertainment, the goal of this piece is to wink at few of the societal norms by taking the bull by its horns, to prompt critical thinking and to promote change through introspection. While jeans make for a stylish attire, satire becomes my humorous attire. 

Characters:

• Grand Defender: Can defend not only the gold medal, but anything, regardless of its absurdity.

• Unpredictable Attacker: Not only unpredictable in attacking, but also in compromising.

• Grand Referee: Always refers the rule book and gives a grand verdict.

• Grand Diplomatic Body: Frames intriguing rules only to bend later in a grand diplomatic fashion.

Scene 1: The Proposal

Setting:  The championship playing hall is feverish. Fans who have come to witness the clash of titans are having a monologue that it was worth the money as the gladiators have gone beating each other twice in a row, followed by three brilliant fighting draws. The digital chess clock wants to sit in a time machine to go back and become the romantic analogue one to tick loudly for the next exciting rounds, such is the occasion and beads of sweat glisten on the players' and their fans’ foreheads alike.

Dialogue:

• Grand Defender (fumbles, after hesitating):
  "Per… Perhaps... we’ve fought enough, haven’t we? I mean, it’s clear we’re both equally deserving. What do you say we share the title? After all, isn’t chess about mutual respect and understanding?"

• Unpredictable Attacker (startled, whispering):
  "Share the title? Is that even... allowed? Isn’t this about fighting till the end?"

Inner monologue: Oh my god, are you for real, a proposal of this sort from a fighter like you out of all the players on the planet?

• Grand Defender (leaning forward, voice trembling):
  "Sure, but think about it—why risk it all? You’ve seen the crowd. They’ll cheer and shower the colour papers on us either way. We’re not just champions; we’re... ambassadors of peace!"

• Unpredictable Attacker (after a long pause, avoiding eye contact):
  "Well... it’s offbeat, but maybe you’re right. After all, isn’t harmony better than hostility?"

• Grand Defender (smiles reassuringly):
  "You got it, pieces should dance harmoniously on and off the board. Gone are the days of reckless attack and outdated concepts like ‘perseverance.’ Today, we celebrate those who call themselves great sportsmen but hardly does a thing to prove it—because why strain and break your head so much when you can post an inspirational quote or dangle a shared medal before the idling likers on social media?

Scene 2: The Grand Referee’s Dilemma

Setting:  The Grand Referee’s desk is summoned to the grand table for a hearing by the perceived “his highness Grand Defender”. Grand Defender and Unpredictable Attacker sit before him, both avoiding the spectators’ gaze. The Grand Referee looks petrified, his fingers tapping nervously on the table.

Dialogue:

• Grand Referee (sigh-five to himself):
  "Sharing the title? But surely, you understand, that’s not in the rule book..."

• Grand Defender (interrupting):
  "Rules? Are rules more important than the spirit of unity? Think of the headlines: ‘Chess Gladiators Choose Peace Over War.’ Isn’t that the message the warring world needs today?"

• Grand Referee (inner monologue):
  "Say no, and my ruling gets overruled once again. Say yes, and I’ll be accused of being party in ruining the spirit of the fight. Either way, they’ll come for my head."

• Grand Referee (Once bitten, twice shy):
  "I suppose I can pull the governing body for a final decision."

• Grand Defender (firmly):
  "Sure."

• Grand Defender (inner monologue smilingly):
  "That’s my boy."

Scene 3: Pacing up and down

Setting:  The Gladiators are feverishly pacing up and down in the anticipation of the grand verdict.

Dialogue:

• Grand Defender (murmurs):
  "Should they fail to stomach the deal, you know what...quick short draws."

• Unpredictable Attacker (startled):
  "Huh?"

• Grand Defender (murmurs):
  "Don't choke, it was just a joke."

• Unpredictable Attacker (chuckles):
  Inner monologue: "This guy is a grand defender for a reason, may be we'll sit on the Berlin wall and start counting the infinite tiny stars through the night until they give up. But, wait a minute.. wasn't I fined the last time for that nightmarish Knight dance? Ah.. whatever, this time I've the boss on my side." 

Scene 4: The Grand Diplomatic Body’s Hasty Approval

Setting:  A grimly dimly lit boardroom filled with bureaucrats. The grand referee explains the situation to the Grand Diplomatic Body over a telephonic call.

Dialogue:

• Grand Diplomatic Body (inner monologue):
  "Piece with him bluntly and he'll go freestyle. Peace with him diplomatically and we’ll set ourselves free. Earlier in the day, spine got injured during the walk wearing the “inappropriate” Jeans and only God knows when it'll recover.

• Grand Diplomatic Body (with forced enthusiasm):
  "This is an extraordinary opportunity! Imagine the press coverage—'Chess Fighters lead by Example in Promoting World Peace!' under the auspices of Grand Diplomatic Body. Truly, this is a game-changer!"

• Junior Official (whispering to a colleague):
  "Game-changer? More like game-ender."

• Junior Official’s colleague (whispering back):
  "Also, should we use the misnomer ‘Game Changer’ for a diplomatic truce of this sort, we risk offending the authors of the chess book with the same name for tarnishing the sanctity of the name."

• Grand Referee (interrupting nervously):
  "But the rulebook...? the fighting spirit...?"

• Grand Diplomatic Body (smiling):
  "Rulebook? It’s already bent once. Fighting spirit? People are looking forward to a different spirit to revel in as the midnight of New Year being around the corner. We’re making history here by being diplomatic, Grand Referee. Approve it. This is the kind of progressive moves the world needs."

• Grand Referee (nervously):
  "I’m afraid, it’s not in my scope anymore. It’s all yours now."

• Grand Diplomatic Body (smilingly):
  "No worries, it’s my call, why don’t you connect me to the players?"

• Grand Diplomatic Body (diplomatically):
  "Dear Unpredictable Attacker, are you game for the truce proposed by the Grand Defender?"

• Unpredictable Attacker (happy with the prospect of time to shine):
  "Oh…yeah! I’m more than willing. My friendship with him should sail smoothly to the other shore without any unnecessary storm. Also, I was close before on several fighting occasions, but not quite close until this truce occasion. Let’s fly the dove bird symbolically. "

• Grand Diplomatic Body (diplomatically):
  "Dear Grand Defender, we understand that the series of games that you had to play must already be very tiring. But, you know… this proposal from you may sound slightly uncharacteristic of your past spirit, but I agree that you guys have already shown extraordinary fighting spirit hitherto. Are you sure though?"

• Grand Defender (firmly):
  "Yeah. I’m sure. It’s already too much... Any issues?"

• Grand Diplomatic Body (reassuringly):
  "No, no, no. All good, all good…as you please your honour, let’s create history together!"

• Grand Defender (inner monologue smilingly):
  "That’s my boy."

Scene 5: The Celebration

Setting:  The podium. Both champions hold a split trophy, smiling awkwardly as the crowd reacts in divided murmurs.

Dialogue:

• Announcer (grandly):
  "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we witness history! Two champions, one trophy—a testament to friendship and mutual respect!"

• Fan 1 (shouting):
  "What about the fight? We came­­­­ here for a champion, not a compromise!"

• Fan 2 (smiling):
  "Oh, come on, isn’t this better? No losers, only winners!"

• Fan 3 (with disgust):
  "Two Kings, no kingdom."

• Fan 4 (eyes welling up with tears):
  "There is no peace at home, but at least here I found one."

• Old Chess Enthusiast (shaking his head):
  "They’ve killed the soul of the game. Fear of losing is no foundation for victory."

• Grand Defender (to Unpredictable Attacker, whispering while smiling for cameras):
  "I think we pulled it off. No nerves, no bitter endings. Just... harmony."

• Unpredictable Attacker (forcing a smile):
  "Yeah... harmony."

Scene 6: The Aftermath

Setting: Social media erupts with debates. Headlines dominate the news.

Headlines:

• "Chess Titans Unite: A Bold New Era for Sportsmanship!"

• "Cowardice or Compassion? Chess World Divided Over Shared Victory"

• "Gladiators' Mysterious Retreat: Treat or a Mistreat?"

Dialogue:

• Commentator 1 (on TV):
  "This sets a dangerous precedent. What’s next? Sharing gold medals between all the eight Quarter finalists next year? The essence of competition is dying."

• Commentator 2:
  "But isn’t this a win for humanity? We’re tired of conflicts all over the place. Maybe this is what the world needs."

• Hero Worshipper (on social media):
  "These are the kind of heroes we need. If you’ve an aversion towards draws or peace, go play a different sport."

• Dooms Day Conspirator:
  "I don’t want to indulge in this game anymore. They have abused the same to such an extent that it’s doomed forever."

• Fence Sitter:
  "I don’t know what to say."

• Humorist:
  "From here on, shared crowns or weird clowns?"

• Band Wagoner (inner monologue):
  "Let me see the wind before taking sides on social media."

• Old Chess Enthusiast (in a chess club, muttering):
  "A sport without fighting spirit is no sport at all."

Scene 7: A Chess Museum

Setting:  On one side, the great trophies, medals, photos and mementos of champions have found its place, gathering glory.

On the other side, ‘The Split Trophy’ has found its place, gathering dust. A plaque on it reads:
"Here lies the symbol of a historic compromise. Champions of harmony, yet victims of nerves."

Dialogue:

• A child chess enthusiast (perplexed looking at the exhibit whispers to his parent):
  "But... who really won?"